Rules of Twilight
by TheObsessedMoronSociety
Summary: We at the obsessedmoronsociety have made a list of things we would not be allowed to do in Twilight. Thus, my OC enters the Twilight and proceeds to break the rules. Writen in play format. Twilght bashing will follow. Comments and reviews are welcome. T for swearing and acts of violence Writen by Scarf


**My grim reaper OC Chris goes to Twilight, bad things ensue. If you hate Twilight bashing I suggest you leave now.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing…in theory**

Things I will not do In Twilight

I will not set the school on fire

Chris: "I regret nothing!"

Edward: "Oh, yes you do! Now tell the police you're insane, so we can leave."

Chris: "I'm not insane!"

Edward: "You set the school on fire! Remember the number one rule: don't draw attention to us!"

Chris: "Said the guy that stopped a car bare handed in front of almost fifty people!"

Edward: "…touché."

I will not tell Edward to 'bite me'

Edward:* being held back by the rest of the family* Lemme go! He asked for it!"

I will not put alarms on Bella's windows

Bella: "Why would you do that?!"

Chris: " Because I can. Plus, Edward trashed my room"

Bella: "So you're having him arrested?!"

Chris: * evil smile* "Yep!"

I will not call Jacob 'mutt'

Chris: "I don't know what he's so upset about."

I will not stalk Edward while he's stalking Bella

Chris: * taking pictures* "Revenge is best served cold, Cullen. You shall soon know the meaning of this phrase when I show these at school. Mwahahahahaahahaha!"

I will not sell pictures of Edward at school

Chris: "But they pay me!"

Carlisle: "I don't care! Edward's privacy is more imp-how much are they paying you?"

Chris: "Twenty bucks each! I'll split it with you; fifty-fifty."

Carlisle: "Deal."

I will not try to ride any of the Pack like horses

Jacob: "Damnit, Chris! Get off!"

Chris: "Never! Now giddy up!"

I will not put crosses in Bella's room

Edward: *coming in through window* "Damnit, Chris! This isn't funny!"

Chris: "I disagree, I find it hilarious."

Bella:*snickers* "It **is** pretty funny, Edward."

Edward: *louder* BELLA!"

* thudding noises*

Chris: * looks down the hallway and whistles* " Nice, I think you woke her dad. I'm pretty sure he has a gun. I suggest you start running."

Edward: "Why aren't you running?"

Chris: "I staying here as a transfer student from England, remember?"

I will not hum the funeral march whenever the Cullen's enter the room

Chris: * humming*

Jessica: "Why are you, like, humming the funeral march?"

Chris: * mocking Jessica* "Because, it's like, totally funny."

Jessica: * glares then looks away* "Oh. Mygod! It's the Cullen's!"

Chris: * hums louder*

Edward: *glares*

Alice: *Snicker*

I will not spray the Cullen's with holy water

Edward: "I'm gonna kill him!"

Alice: "Now, now, Edward, it was a pretty good prank."

Edward: "PRANK?! This isn't a prank, Alice. This is terrorism!"

I will not try to stake Edward when he's not looking

Chris: *Sneaking up behind*

Edward: No.

Chris: Please?

Edward: No, fuck off.

Chris: * stalks away dejectedly* Wuss.

I will not tell dumb blonde jokes when Rosalie is within hearing range

Rosalie: Care to say that again?

Chris: I just said that your blonde hair looks increably beautiful today.

Rosalie: I'll admit it was pretty funny.

Chris: Wanna go die Bella's hair while she sleeps?

Rosalie: Sure.

I will not call Jessica "a gossiping harlot"

Jessica: Like, what does that mean?

Chris: Can't say.

I will not spread rumors about Edward and Jacob's "secret relationship"

Edward: The Fuck?!

Jacob:…

I will not volunteer the Cullens for blood donations

Carlisle: Why would you do that?!

Chris: Hey, for all you know it could be the cure for cancer!

Carlisle: Or it could be a deadly poison!

Chris:…Your point?

I will not put a leash on Jacob

Jacob: Seriously?!

Chris: * tugs on leash* Silence, doggy.

I will not call Edward a "paedophile"

Edward: I am not a paedophile!

Chris: You're more than a hundred year old who's dating an eighteen year old! That makes you a paedophile!

I will not tell Edward to seek therapy

Edward: Why should I seek therapy?!

Chris: You're violent, you seem to experience mood swings, you need therapy!

I will not invite the Volturi to a tea party

Aro: What is going on here?

Chris: I invited Jane and Alec to a deplomatic negation tea party. Would you care to join us?

Aro:...It would be a pleasure.

I will not shoot vampires to see if it kills them

* sounds of gunshot*

Edward: What the hell is wrong with you?!

Chris: In theory, this won't kill you, but you never know. I suggest you start running, I'm an excellent shot.


End file.
